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Demonstrating Respect in Conversations with LGBT2SQ Children and Youth

When children and youth are able to talk openly about their identities, service providers are better equipped to meet their needs. At all stages of involvement with the child welfare system (e.g., initial contact and assessment, ongoing service, and transitioning out of care), children and youth need to feel respected and engaged in issues that affect their care and well-being.

A child or youth may, with any person and at any time, disclose or discuss their identity/orientation and/or their experiences. As a result, all child protection workers, other staff and board members in child welfare agencies, caregivers, families, and volunteers should be well trained and ready to have these conversations in an informed and supportive manner.

It is important to remember that you may not know if a child or youth is LGBT2SQ, so all conversations should be respectful and encourage children and youth to feel safe and comfortable voluntarily sharing information about their identity.

When the opportunity arises to have a one-to-one conversation with a child or youth about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity:

• Listen for and create space for self-disclosure. Children and youth will disclose their sexual orientation and/or gender identity when, and if, they feel ready, and if it has been demonstrated that it is safe to do so.
• Do not “out” a child or youth without their permission. Allow them to set the pace of “coming out” if that is what they want. Be proactive in opening conversations related to gender and sexual diversity (e.g., ask: “Do you know what the rainbow sticker on my datebook means?”).
• Ask for a child or youth’s consent to record, share, or use their chosen name(s), pronouns, or other information related to their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
• Ask respectful questions and be clear that you want to understand their perspectives, wishes and experiences, and that you will accept and support them in the identity that feels most comfortable for them.
• Children and youth have a right to confidentiality. You should not disclose information regarding a child or youth’s sexual orientation or gender identity without good reason (e.g., a safety concern) and only with their permission. This includes disclosure to the child or youth’s family or caregiver.
• Never make assumptions about a child or youth’s gender identity or sexual orientation based on their dress, behaviour, or other forms of gender expression, although sometimes these can give clues to their identity.
• Do not assume that LGBT2SQ children and youth are suffering or have regrets about their sexual orientation or gender identity, and want to be heterosexual or cisgender. Likewise, if an LGBT2SQ child or youth is having problems, don’t assume that sexual orientation or gender identity is the cause.
• Recognize that many children and youth have never heard anything positive about being LGBT2SQ. They may have internalized negative social messages and stereotypes about LGBT2SQ people. Provide them with a positive response that affirms who they are and their experiences as an LGBT2SQ-identified person.
• Create a safe environment by letting them lead the conversation as much as possible.
• Be a connector. Children and youth need information and access to other LGBT2SQ people of all ages, including peers and role models— when they are ready. In smaller areas it may be necessary to reach out to the broader community or other communities across the province. LGBT2SQ children and youth living in regions where these supports are not readily available can be connected with supports that are available online (see Part 5: B of this guide—Relevant provincial and national organizations, service directories, regional and community agencies and support networks, LGBT2SQ-specific health centres, and LGBT2SQ social events (i.e., LGBT2SQ-specific film festivals, Pride organizations)—p. 68).
• LGBT2SQ children and youth have different experiences and have specialized needs. Make sure you are informed about appropriate LGBT2SQ services and supports (e.g., health care, mental health, and education) to promote healthy development and self-esteem.
• For youth transitioning out of care, a successful transition to adulthood can be facilitated by relationships with caring adults who provide youth with emotional support, guidance, and assistance in this time of change. Connect LGBT2SQ children and youth transitioning out of care with appropriate organizations, resources, and services, and help them build community that includes other LGBT2SQ peers and mentors.